That title is suppose to be funny. I see myself as neither of the two, but many see me as both.
Sometimes I feel like the biggest Debbie Downer. I probably could be titled the Debbie Downer of Mother's Day. I'd rather not be. I don't find joy in this pain. This year is so different.
For 8 years, I've mourned the loss of my own mother and for 7, the life of the babies that we lost, but never held.
This year, I add mourning the experience of being a mother. I'm not saying that God is going to never give us more children. (I still hope that he does) I'm saying that I was a mother and struggle daily with not having Cotton here. Here's the thing. I absolutely loved being Cotton's foster mom. I can find joy in that today because we have so many wonderful memories with him. It's amazing to me how God provided me with the energy and stamina to provide for Cotton. For 4 months I was never away from him for more than 3-4 hours at a time 2 times a week. All of the sudden, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner is just boring. No more bath-time, story-time or bedtimes. No more dance parties in the living room before dinner (i.e. stress fractures). Kelly and I are leaving for vacation today. As we began to pack, I came across swim diapers, floats & swim trunks. Boy do I wish we were bringing him to the beach with us!
I'm writing this because I want foster parents or prospective foster parents to know that it is not easy. It's necessary, but not easy. Sadly, my number one advice to prospective foster parents (the advice I was given and didn't listen to) Don't believe anything anyone says. Don't listen to the biological parents/grandparents. Don't believe the social workers. Don't believe anything until a Judge makes a ruling. My second piece of advice may contradict the first, but love them as they are your own. They deserve to be loved. They deserve to be shown the love of Christ. That's the most important part, but at the same time, trust that God will continue to protect them and provide for them. Sometimes I feel like I can relate with empty nesters more than parents whose children have died. I have to trust that God is providing for and protecting him. The difference here is not knowing if I'll see him again.
That brings me to my mom. I know I will see her again. Phew! What a relief that is! I'm thankful for her ability to have been a professional and a mother (of 4). She loved Jesus. She made sure we knew that. She made sure we knew how important our relationship with Christ was. She was a talented musician who always encouraged me to bust out of my shell when it came to music. Somehow, I didn't inherit her musical confidence. :) I'm thankful for the example she was to me so that I had a visual of how to be a mother. Side-note: I recently took a buzzfeed quiz "who would play your mom in a movie" and it was Amy Poehler. I'm certain she would have laughed at that... and she would have been okay with it!
Sometimes I feel like the biggest Debbie Downer. I probably could be titled the Debbie Downer of Mother's Day. I'd rather not be. I don't find joy in this pain. This year is so different.
For 8 years, I've mourned the loss of my own mother and for 7, the life of the babies that we lost, but never held.
This year, I add mourning the experience of being a mother. I'm not saying that God is going to never give us more children. (I still hope that he does) I'm saying that I was a mother and struggle daily with not having Cotton here. Here's the thing. I absolutely loved being Cotton's foster mom. I can find joy in that today because we have so many wonderful memories with him. It's amazing to me how God provided me with the energy and stamina to provide for Cotton. For 4 months I was never away from him for more than 3-4 hours at a time 2 times a week. All of the sudden, preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner is just boring. No more bath-time, story-time or bedtimes. No more dance parties in the living room before dinner (i.e. stress fractures). Kelly and I are leaving for vacation today. As we began to pack, I came across swim diapers, floats & swim trunks. Boy do I wish we were bringing him to the beach with us!
I'm writing this because I want foster parents or prospective foster parents to know that it is not easy. It's necessary, but not easy. Sadly, my number one advice to prospective foster parents (the advice I was given and didn't listen to) Don't believe anything anyone says. Don't listen to the biological parents/grandparents. Don't believe the social workers. Don't believe anything until a Judge makes a ruling. My second piece of advice may contradict the first, but love them as they are your own. They deserve to be loved. They deserve to be shown the love of Christ. That's the most important part, but at the same time, trust that God will continue to protect them and provide for them. Sometimes I feel like I can relate with empty nesters more than parents whose children have died. I have to trust that God is providing for and protecting him. The difference here is not knowing if I'll see him again.
That brings me to my mom. I know I will see her again. Phew! What a relief that is! I'm thankful for her ability to have been a professional and a mother (of 4). She loved Jesus. She made sure we knew that. She made sure we knew how important our relationship with Christ was. She was a talented musician who always encouraged me to bust out of my shell when it came to music. Somehow, I didn't inherit her musical confidence. :) I'm thankful for the example she was to me so that I had a visual of how to be a mother. Side-note: I recently took a buzzfeed quiz "who would play your mom in a movie" and it was Amy Poehler. I'm certain she would have laughed at that... and she would have been okay with it!
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| Mom & Amy 8.3.82 |
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| Amy & Cotton 8.24.2013 The moment we met. |
For those who have read this, I hope you are encouraged. Without Christ, I couldn't be here today. It would not be possible for me to be here on this very Hallmark commercialized man-made holiday ;). Being a mother is important (been there done that). Having a relationship with her is good (been there done that). Having a relationship with Christ is what matters.
Now off to the beach.... and I might just blog about that next time :)
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