That title is suppose to be funny. I see myself as neither of the two, but many see me as both. Sometimes I feel like the biggest Debbie Downer. I probably could be titled the Debbie Downer of Mother's Day. I'd rather not be. I don't find joy in this pain. This year is so different. For 8 years, I've mourned the loss of my own mother and for 7, the life of the babies that we lost, but never held. This year, I add mourning the experience of being a mother. I'm not saying that God is going to never give us more children. (I still hope that he does) I'm saying that I was a mother and struggle daily with not having Cotton here. Here's the thing. I absolutely loved being Cotton's foster mom. I can find joy in that today because we have so many wonderful memories with him. It's amazing to me how God provided me with the energy and stamina to provide for Cotton. For 4 months I was never away from him for more than 3-4 hours at a time 2 times a week. A...